Genre: Action, Adventure, Comedy
Director: Matthew Vaughn
Starring: Collin Firth, Taron Egerton, Edward Holcroft, Julianne Moore, Mark Strong, Hanna Alstrom, Halle Berry
Runtime: 2hr 21mins
All of the problems of a sequel are present here in this weirdly incompetent follow-up from Matthew Vaughn. The prequel ‘Kingsman: The Secret Service’, that movie was a shot in the fucking arm for blockbuster cinema and a thrilling riposte to the joyless and overtly sombre Daniel Craig Bond Era; wildly subversive, ultra-violent, foul mouthed and completely insane: it was like a Roger Moore era Bond meets Regan era Schwarzenegger – a breath of fresh air, a willfully offensive and playfully nasty blast. The sequel is in all fairness, filled with great moments, the opening cab fight, scored to Prince glorious pop masterpiece “Let’s Go Crazy” and totally unhinged in its choreography, it’s a hell of a way to open the film, but that’s about the size of it really. 
The movie feels strangely toothless for starters, (copious swearing aside) it feels more like a conventional blockbuster, the edge that set the first film apart is heavily dulled, there’s even less violence, often times it could be a Marvel movie for how bloodless and consequence free the fight scenes are, there are perhaps two or three scenes tops that earn the R-rating proper. Then there’s the real problem, the dreaded sequel bloat, which is in full effect here, too many plot lines, too many characters introduced and re-introduced, too much going on and so many goddamn superfluous scenes, indeed I could have done without the whole plot about Eggsy’s oddly soppy relationship with the princess, you know the one he butt-fucked at the end of the first film, this turn of events feel disturbingly like a means to placate all the pussies who got all up in arms over the perceived misogyny last time round and if that was the case, they should probably have left out the truly off putting Glastonbury seduction scene, another superfluous and odd scene that goes nowhere and ends with a moment that makes you wonder what they were thinking: oh yeah let’s have a CGI vaginal cavity shall we? CHEERS!!
Speaking of pointless and odd, let’s talk about Collin Firths return as Harry Heart. I didn’t give two shits if it was a bit eyebrow raising, I was so up for more of Firths dashing, better than Bond badass and his banter with Eggsy, instead they make nothing but fucking bizarre, dull choices with the character, turning him into a butterfly hallucinating, milquetoast amnesiac for ages and then turning him into a really off version of himself and overall a bit of a dick. They even do the other dreaded sequel thing of referencing, commenting on or flat out repeating scenes and jokes from the first film in an attempt to nod to the fans who actually want the characters to be taken in other, more unexpected directions rather than do stale and a little bit cringy, winking homages to stuff they loved last time.For instance the whole “manners maketh man” scene is done again but plays out slightly differently, and characters sometimes repeat lines from the first in a dispiriting way. What’s most weird here though, is how unenjoyable it is, everything feels so cluttered and crowded, there’s no anchor to the film to weigh any of it down long enough to give a shit about, and the places the story goes don’t inspire much.Why they felt the need to introduce “the statesman”, an American conglomerate of Kingsman, Idon’t know, it takes away from the Englishness of the films identity and the new characters introduced are mostly useless. Jeff Bridges is in like two scenes and doing that “gumballs in the mouth thing” that regrettably seems to have stuck since he did ‘True Grit’. Channing Tatum is good but in it for about ten minutes before he’s taken out of the plot for the rest of the film for some reason, Halle Berry is saddled with the kind of thankless, underwritten role that Hollywood always gives her. The only standout is the terrific Pedro Pascal from ‘Narco’s’, the movie should have done better things with him.
The movie has that other sequel thing, that too eager to please thing, where what worked in the first is amped up until it doesn’t feel like the first anymore: just a sad, distant, shallow copy. The film is also plagued by the sort of terrible, weightless cartoon CGI (the shy lift scene) that makes me fed up with most modern blockbusters (why filmmakers can’t see how bad these effects look is beyond me).Luckily things perk up at the climax, which is (mostly) the sort of gleeful, insane anarchy I wanted from this, rather than just another big budget, Hollywood movie.The film goes brilliantly nuts, and a demented cameo steals the film big time, but it’s all too little too late and the film just deflates again quickly anyway.
My Verdict
My Ratings
1.5
Maybe one day, I’ll be a bit more charitable to it, but for now, I just wanted it to end.
